From Doing It All to Healing it All: Women Experiencing Burnout
Written by: Arlene Ramirez, Registered AMFT (Associate Marriage & Family Therapist 138430), APCC (Associate Professional Clinical Counselor 13571) Supervised by: Dr. Hubbis Fabian, LMFT #135664
Many of us are masters at balancing multiple roles daily— such as balancing a career with the deeply ingrained roles of being a mother, a caretaker, and being a partner/wife. But while we live in a different era than our grandmothers, “having it all” often feels like doing it all in such a little time frame.
If you find yourself neglecting your own needs because you’re simply “too exhausted,” or if you feel that annoying guilt the moment you sit down, I want you to know you aren’t alone. That feeling that you don’t deserve a break until everyone else is taken care of? It’s a heavy weight to carry. When you’re so drained that you can't switch off the overthinking—or if you grew up in a collectivistic (prioritizing the needs of the family/others around you first, and then yourself) background where you were never truly shown what rest looks like—it’s more than just being tired. Your body and mind are signaling something deeper: you might be experiencing burnout.
Identifying Burnout: According to Emily and Amelia Nagoski in Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (2019), burnout is defined by three experiences:
Emotional exhaustion: being so emotionally drained that you have nothing left to give or offer.
Depersonalization: feeling “checked out”, experiencing empathy fatigue, where you feel numb or increased disconnection from people you care for or work with, including the lack of energy you have toward your responsibilities.
Decreased sense of accomplishment: the belief or thoughts you have around feeling “ineffective” in your day-to-day responsibilities; feeling that you are not doing enough/that you should be doing more.
Healing from Burnout: Healing from burnout isn't just about rest and telling ourselves, “I need to do self-care". It's about shifting from self-judgment to self-compassion. For women in collectivistic cultures, this is more than "self-care"—it is the work of unlearning the idea that your worth is tied to your productivity. It is time to offer yourself the same kindness and patience you provide to everyone else around you.
Dr. Kristin Neff (2023), a pioneer in the study of self-compassion, suggests that healing isn't about fixing ourselves; it’s about changing how we relate to our own suffering. For a woman experiencing signs of burnout, starting with a self-compassion break may be a start.
The Self-Compassion Break: Developed by Dr. Kristin Neff (2023), this practice takes less than a minute and fits into even the busiest days. Rather than adding to your to-do list, it’s an invitation to slow down and meet your difficulties with compassion through three simple steps:
Acknowledge the struggle (Mindfulness): Pause and say to yourself, “This is really hard right now.” You are naming the challenges/difficulties without judging it or yourself.
Connect with others (Common Humanity): Remind yourself that you aren't failing or need to do more; you are human. Say, “I’m not alone in this—many other women feel similar and can relate” This is powerful if you feel the weight of cultural expectations.
Be kind to yourself (Self-Kindness): Place a hand over your heart —and ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now?” Perhaps it can be: “May I be patient with myself”.
You Don’t Have to Do it Alone: As mentioned with common humanity; you do not have to do it all, and alone. Coming from a Mexican background myself, I personally relate to the guilt of choosing rest over responsibility in a collectivistic culture. While I am not a mother myself, I have lived in the role of the eldest daughter—the one expected to anticipate every need and care for everyone else before myself. I understand these experiences of balancing multiple roles, and I know that no tienes que hacerlo sola—you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to reclaim your energy, I invite you to reach out for a free 15-minute phone consultation to continue your self-compassionate journey.
References:
Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.
Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74(1), 193–218. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047